And Then Came Baby, Quietly

Now I understand why Nicole Kidman chose to adopt children while married to Tom Cruise, as opposed to giving birth to any child of his. It's no secret that Cruise is a Scientologist, so I'm not telling you anything new, and that Scientology promotes what is called a 'silent birth', where the woman is encouraged to give birth silently...no talking, no moaning, no screaming. Silence is also expected from anyone in the vicinity of the birthing mother and newborn child (the husband, doctor, and nurses). The belief is that the mother and child would be traumatized by any spoken words or sounds durning the birth experience.

Cruise has been prepping a very pregnant Katie Holmes for the upcoming 'silent birth'. I hope that he holds her hand every step of the way, with words of encouragement; at the same time pulling his scrotum up over his head while squeezing a bowling ball out of his ass in between her contractions, silently. Shhh! Quiet Tom! Hey! Don't you dare! Calm...shhhh. I've given birth sans drugs so I have confidence that Tom can do this. Piece of cake!

Silent birth, clearly thought up by someone who's never actually had to give birth. Why does L. Ron Hubbard want women punished for doing the most natural thing her body was designed to do?




The Sun Online Tabloid