Brangelinatomkat Jr.
Why is such a Goddamn big deal made out of celebrities having babies? Is the world really waiting on bated breath to find out if Brad and Angie will have their son or daughter in Africa, or Paris, or maybe Los Angeles? Do we really want to be reminded that Tom and Katie had sex at least once? Isn't he like almost old enough to be her dad or something? Do we care that Britney is having children with serial procreator Kevin Federline. Ugh! I shudder at the mental picture that conjures up. And who gives a rip that Gwyneth named her darling daughter Apple? What the hell kind of name is that? Why do celebrities do that to their kids anyway? There was practically 24 hour Julia watch when she was pregnant with her twins, Phinnaeus and Hazel (see what I mean?), as if twins were some unique phenomenon.
Ya know, Madonna and I both gave birth to our first children the same week in October of 1996, at separate hospitals just a few miles apart. I was at St. Joseph's in Burbank and Madge was at Cedar's in Los Angeles. No one gave me any special nicknames like the 'Maternal Girl', no articles were written, also absent were the segments on Access Hollywood, nor was a camera crew that included CNN waiting outside my hospital in anticipation of the statistics describing time of birth, weight, height, and sex of my child. I imagine we gave birth much in the same way, except she had a C-section and I squeezed mine out of my vagina (and my son weighed over 9 pounds...I rule!).
Not one member of the paparazzi tried to sneak a snapshot of my newborn son and I leaving the hospital...me still looking just as pregnant as when I entered the hospital. Not one! Wanna know why? I did not give birth to the future king or queen of any country, and you know what? Neither did Madonna, or Britney, or Julia, or Gwyneth, nor will Angie or Katie. I could understand the hupla if that were the case, but it's not... it's just rich and pretty people (except Federline, he's just nasty) having babies, and franky, it ain't no thang. What's worse is that I know all of this without having to look anything up. How sad is that?
Ya know, Madonna and I both gave birth to our first children the same week in October of 1996, at separate hospitals just a few miles apart. I was at St. Joseph's in Burbank and Madge was at Cedar's in Los Angeles. No one gave me any special nicknames like the 'Maternal Girl', no articles were written, also absent were the segments on Access Hollywood, nor was a camera crew that included CNN waiting outside my hospital in anticipation of the statistics describing time of birth, weight, height, and sex of my child. I imagine we gave birth much in the same way, except she had a C-section and I squeezed mine out of my vagina (and my son weighed over 9 pounds...I rule!).
Not one member of the paparazzi tried to sneak a snapshot of my newborn son and I leaving the hospital...me still looking just as pregnant as when I entered the hospital. Not one! Wanna know why? I did not give birth to the future king or queen of any country, and you know what? Neither did Madonna, or Britney, or Julia, or Gwyneth, nor will Angie or Katie. I could understand the hupla if that were the case, but it's not... it's just rich and pretty people (except Federline, he's just nasty) having babies, and franky, it ain't no thang. What's worse is that I know all of this without having to look anything up. How sad is that?
posted by Tootsie Farklepants at 4:32 PM
1 Comments:
Oh M, you make me wet my britches!
--Ane
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