It's a Free Country...Wait

In this "land of the free, home of the brave" country, where we are no longer allowed to travel by plane with our toothpaste, infant formula, contact lens solution, or hand lotion; I have some handy tips for expediting your security clearance at the airport.

Contact Lens Solution~ Banned. Wear your glasses.
Infant Formula~ Banned. Back to breastfeeding. Whip out the breast (often, to make a point you know) or get that child on some solids, pronto.
Toothpaste~ Banned. Bring Tic Tacs (lots of them please).
Hand Lotion~ Banned. Spit works in a pinch.
Hairspray~ Banned. Bring a hat.
Hair Gel~ Banned. Ever see There's Something About Mary?

Or just put it all in your checked luggage since only less than 10% of that is screened. Quick! Raid the dumpsters at the airport! You could score some really choice products!


**infant formula is not banned, just subject to inspection, but it was funnier my way**