Here Comes the Broke Bride

According to a recent article, the national average cost of a basic wedding is $20,000. That's national folks. Here in Los Angeles the average cost is $32,400 according to the handy little site, Costofwedding.com. Yeah right! Dream on kids cuz Mama ain't gonna foot that bill. I don't care if it is supposed to be the happiest day of your life; that is a colossal waste of cash. Giving birth to all three of my children were the happiest days of my life, and all three of their hospital bills didn't total that amount...and I got babies out of the deal! Actual human beings. True story, honest.

What a racket! Brainwash our daughters from the time they're old enough to hold Dream Wedding Barbie in their little dimpled fists, that walking down an aisle sprinkled with rose petals in a glorious ball gown to marry your Prince Charming-Ken is THE only way to go. Screw that. I'm giving my daughter Practical Barbie to play with. I'm going to not-so-subtley hint that 1960's retro weddings are making a comeback; that of tying the knot at city hall with your parents and closest family members and friends present, ONLY, and everyone will come back to our house afterwards for finger sandwiches, homemade potato salad and a suitable cake from the corner bakery.

Or better yet: elope. Call me after. I won't be mad, I promise. As a matter of fact I'll be so happy that I may help you with that down payment on your little starter home. Thirty two thousand four hundred dollars for a party...utter squandering. You might as well crumple up $32,400 and set it on fire.


Hurry Up and Get Married