The Real Slim Katie

Why is an airbrushed, slimmed down photo of Katie Couric the top news story for 2 days now? Is it some kind of secret that magazines use digital technology to make celebrities appear picture perfect? It isn't already known that blemishes are removed, faces are contoured, eyes are brightened up, cleavage is shaded to appear more ample? So they slimmed her down. BFD. It's just a news anchor for Chrissake. It's not as if they used their technology to make the Pope look like he's expecting.

Give us the real news people and skip the gossip. Moving on.

CBS Magazine Slims Down Couric in Photo

Paris Hilton's CD Labeled "Certified Flop"

I'm shocked. Considering how talented she is and all.


HILTON'S CD IS
INSTANT TANKER

When (Not Necessarily) Great Leaders Speak

Is it just me, or does it seem that President Bush isn't even trying anymore when he speaks? Okay. It wasn't as if he were really trying in the first place, so I guess what I mean to say is...trying less than not trying. It used to be the ocassional mispronunciation of a word. Can I get a "nucular" or "misunderestimate" up in here? Now it is complete phrases that come out in a jumbled, tangled mess. A clip aired on Meet the Press this morning was terribly painful to watch through squinted and covered eyes, and left me wondering, "THIS man is president of the United States? THIS?"...(from the transcript)

MR. RUSSERT: And welcome, all. Some very good news this morning. Olaf Wiig and Steve Centanni, two FOX journalists who had been kept in captivity in Gaza, are free. They have been released. Welcome home, guys, and we hope you’re safe, and your families are certainly thrilled and excited, and your news organization, to have you back. Good luck to both of them.

Let’s turn to the midterm elections. This was George W. Bush on Monday throwing down the gauntlet on the issue of Iraq for the upcoming elections. Let’s watch.

(Videotape, August 21, 2006):

PRES. BUSH: Any sign that says we’re going to leave before the job is done simply emboldens terrorists and creates a certain amount of doubt for people so they won’t take the risk necessary to help a civil society evolve in the country. And this is the campaign; I’m sure they’re watching the campaign carefully. There are a lot of good, decent people saying, “Get out now! Vote for me, I will do everything I can” to, I guess cut off money, is how, is what they’ll try to do to get our troops out. It’s a big mistake. (Bold emphasis mine, and what the flippin' frick is he trying to say??)
(End videotape)

Honestly, the written transcript does not do it justice. You really had to have seen it rather than read it. The written word here does not stutter, search for the right word, pause, and spit out unintelligible garble. He gives "C" students a bad name and "D" students plenty of hope that they too can someday become POTUS.


Meet the Press Transcript

Survivor - Battle of the Races

I admit I haven't watched Survivor in quite a few years. I honestly don't remember which season was the last that I saw, but I think it was the "Drake" v "Morgan" tribes, featuring a burly, pirate-like man named Rupert. I was once an avid Survivor watcher, I even wanted to be a contestant because, dammit, I knew I could do it! It was the leaving my family for such a great deal of time that held me back. That I couldn't survive. Eventually though, I got Survivor burn out. The newest installment of the reality tv game show (and that's all it is, an elaborate game show) will have the contestants divided into teams by race. This seems to be causing quite a stir. I can't imagine why though. First of all, I have to believe that the contestants are consenting to this format. They ARE there of their own free will. If they aren't then they are being held against their will and are battling it out in challenges in exchange for their freedom off the island. Probably not. Most likely they are there because they want to be, and auditioned and were chosen out of thousands to do so. And anyone who's ever watched Survivor knows that at some point the tribes will merge. Anyone who hasn't figured out the format of this show (this loss of spontenaety is the main reason I no longer watch) by now hasn't been paying attention. Some folks have a big problem with the race categorizing theme of this season's show:

For the first portion of the 13th season of "Survivor," which premieres Sept. 14, the contestants competing for the $1 million prize while stranded on the Cook Islands in the South Pacific will be divided into four teams - blacks, Asians, Latinos and whites.

Liu, who is Asian-American, said he was launching a campaign urging CBS to pull the show because it could encourage racial division and promote negative typecasts. He and a coalition of officials, including the council's black, Latino and Asian caucus, planned to rally at City Hall on Friday.

I hadn't realized that a game show would have such an impact as to "encourage racial division and promote negative typecasts" in the real world. Ya know, when I watch The Price is Right, I don't walk into a store expecting an item to cost what a contestant incorrectly bid. Is there racial division in society? Certainly. Was it there before the 13th season of Survivor? Yes. Is it because of the 13th season of Survivor? No. Will it be there long after Survivor is forgotten? Unfortunately, probably.

If the dynamics of a game show consisting of consenting adults offends you, then don't watch it.

NYC Officials Want New 'Survivor' Pulled

Just Put That on My Tab

Ya know, hubby and I put family vacation plans on hold this summer because the cost of an airline ticket more than doubled by May, and we would have had to pony up more than a couple thousand just to GET to our destination. But apparently, if you claim to be the murderer in a ten year old case involving a child, then you get the royal treatment!

Karr was arrested at Los Angeles International Airport on a warrant from Boulder County, Colo., after getting off a Thai Airways flight, where he feasted on champagne toasts and roast duck. A helicopter then whisked him to the Twin Towers jail shortly before midnight.

The 41-year-old school teacher's return to the United States was voluntary, and he wasn't handcuffed before or during the 15-hour Thai Airways flight from Bankok.

Dressed in a red, short-sleeve, button-down shirt and black tie, Karr was whisked through Don Muang International Airport in Bangkok. He chatted with fellow passengers at the departure gate.

Aboard the jet he took a window seat next to Mark Spray, an investigator with the Boulder County district attorney's office. The escort also included a U.S. Embassy official and an agent with "Homeland Security" on his shirt.

Before takeoff, Karr took a glass of champagne from a flight attendant and clinked glasses with Spray, who sipped orange juice.

Karr first dined on pate, salad, fried king prawn, steamed rice, broccoli and chocolate cake. He also had a beer — crushing the empty can with his hands — and then had a glass of chardonnay.
Karr appeared to order the drinks himself.

He later dined on roast duck with soy sauce and yellow noodles, and for his third meal had pizza, chocolates and a bottle of Evian.

He sometimes conversed with Spray, who took notes on some of the remarks. Karr told an AP reporter that it was "small talk."

Also during the flight, Karr flipped through movie channels, watched "The Last Samurai," dozed and made several trips to the restroom accompanied by two guards. Each time the door was left slightly ajar.

Patsy Ramsey must be rolling over in her grave. Imagine having to hear about a man who claims to have murdered your child, clinking his champaigne glass with the investigator assigned to escort him, chatting it up, and eating a feast fit for a king. AND on your (tax dollar) dime!

Fox New Link

Like a Wet Match in a Dark Cave

What happens when airport security detects explosives residue found in common household products? Why, shut down and evacuate the entire airport terminal, of course!

A West Virginia airport terminal was evacuated Thursday after two bottles of liquid found in a woman's carry-on luggage twice tested positive for explosives residue, a Transportation Security Administration spokeswoman said.

Chemical tests later Thursday turned up no explosives in the bottles, said Capt. Jack Chambers, head of the State Police Special Operations unit. The airport was reopened after nearly 10 hours.

"It looks like there were four items containing liquids," said TSA spokeswoman Amy von Walter. A machine that security checkpoint screeners use to test for explosives registered positive results for two containers, and a canine team also got a positive hit, she said.

The TSA screening looks for a range of explosives residue, some of which can be found on common household items, said TSA spokesman Darrin Kayser.

Airport manager Larry Salyers said he was told the woman was a 28-year-old of Pakistani descent who had moved to Huntington from Jackson, Mich. He did not know how long she had lived in Huntington.

No charges were filed against the woman, who was taken from the airport by federal authorities at 5 p.m., Salyers said.

The woman was very cooperative, officials said.

Commercial airline service was suspended, and about 100 passengers and airport employees were ordered to leave the terminal, said Tri-State Airport Authority President Jim Booton.

Two airlines - Comair and US Airways Express - serve the airport.

A screener noticed a bottle in a woman's carry-on bag as she was going through security before her 9:15 a.m. flight to Charlotte, N.C., Booton said.

One bottle contained a gel-type facial cleanser, FBI spokesman Jeff Killeen said.

I'm sure she was very cooperative. Can you imagine being a woman of Pakistani descent being caught with facial cleanser in your carry-on? I can imagine the horror! Thank goodness no charges were filed against her. Although, I can't imagine what those charges might be since thousands of travelers have had to part with equally "explosive residue containing" facial products in the nearest receptacle during the course of their security screening upon boarding their flights. And these people just slay me:

"This is such a small airport. I never imagined something like this happening here," said Shannon Bloss, who was traveling to Orlando, Fla., for a wedding.

Joy and John Cloutre of Ulysses, Ky., were waiting to begin the first leg of their trip to the southeast Asian country of Brunei when the evacuation order came.

Joy Cloutre told the Herald Dispatch of Huntington that her family didn't want her to leave because of terrorism in the region. "And then we don't even get out of Huntington without something like this happening."

I hate to burst your precious bubble Shannon and Joy, but gross stupidity does not discriminate when it comes to geographical location. Obviously.

Suspicious Liquid Found at W.Va. Airport

Other Casualties of War

While some citizens of Lebanon are not in direct danger of the war that is taking place, their livelihood is in jeopardy. Business has been so severely disrupted by the violence that they are forced to leave their jobs and abandon their once thriving businesses, and consequently their homes (not having any source of income), to live as refugees with family, friends, and strangers that will take them in, or live in poverty. Of course, if you're the type of person who isn't at all bothered by "collateral damage" in war then I wouldn't expect you to worry your pretty little head about people having to leave all that they know to escape poverty. You just go on with your mantra that war is good and necessary since that seems to help you sleep at night (in your own bed, in your own home, waking up to go to your job in the morning).

The "Hoverer" and Other Pet Peeves

I gotta get this pet peeve off my chest. The "Hoverer". That would be the person at Starbucks in line behind you, who orders their drink after you, and takes up residence on the pick up bar when there is clearly 8 to 10 people ahead of them waiting for their own orders; orders placed before the person currently hovering (and blocking) over the station where completed coffee orders await. This person seems to not have any concept that their own drink will be at least the eighth coming up. They're oblivious to the folks who are performing amazing feats of contortionism to reach the drink clearly marked for them and not the "hoverer". There is also the "Hoverer" who takes it that one step further, who manhandles each drink to check the name on it. To the Queen Hoverer from last evening: If you ordered a HOT Latte, then clearly my FROZEN Frappucino is not your drink. Keep your mitts off...and do us all a favor and back the heck up.

And furthermore, to the parents who let their children roam free on the patio adjacent to Starbucks: If you don't want your own child sitting at your table spending time with you, what makes you think that I do? If I wanted to enjoy the company of children while enjoying my coffee I would bring my own.

There...I'm better.

It's a Free Country...Wait

In this "land of the free, home of the brave" country, where we are no longer allowed to travel by plane with our toothpaste, infant formula, contact lens solution, or hand lotion; I have some handy tips for expediting your security clearance at the airport.

Contact Lens Solution~ Banned. Wear your glasses.
Infant Formula~ Banned. Back to breastfeeding. Whip out the breast (often, to make a point you know) or get that child on some solids, pronto.
Toothpaste~ Banned. Bring Tic Tacs (lots of them please).
Hand Lotion~ Banned. Spit works in a pinch.
Hairspray~ Banned. Bring a hat.
Hair Gel~ Banned. Ever see There's Something About Mary?

Or just put it all in your checked luggage since only less than 10% of that is screened. Quick! Raid the dumpsters at the airport! You could score some really choice products!


**infant formula is not banned, just subject to inspection, but it was funnier my way**

Make it Count

I have a solution to raise the low standardized test scores in our public school system. It isn't that other countries students are smarter than ours. It isn't that our teachers are unqualified and they don't need to further their own degrees. It is the fact that standardized tests do not count as part of the child's grade. They don't care about the test. Not enough of them at least. Period. Some of them are even thrilled when test week rolls around because it means that they don't have to actually do any real work. Some of them are so overwhelmed with the workload that actually does count and has the potential to hold them back if they fail, that they welcome the reprieve that standardized tests bring. Homework is curtailed or not assigned at all. Regularly scheduled classroom curriculum is put on a shelf for the following week. We are a nation that has drilled it into the minds of it's citizens that hard work will be rewarded. We reward our youth with good grades when they do well. Why would we expect them to exert the same amount of effort they would on a test that counts towards their grade, on one that doesn't, and get nothing for it?

You want to motivate the youth of America when it comes to standardized tests? Tell them that a signifigant percentage of their grade depends on it. They'll study their pimply asses off and not use their #2 pencils to bubble in cool patterns that spell out their name. Just a thought.

The Gibson Files

It is my opinion that Mel Gibson and his PR crew should just shut up already. His publicity campaign to make him appear as if he is a lover of all things Jewish is a classic example of "the gentleman doth protest too much, methinks". Yeah, yeah we get it Mel. You didn't mean what you said while loaded with the truth potion. Yeah, right...it was the booze talking. Wink.